My Patient Paradox
I never envisioned I would begin my medical school journey as a patient, imagining the “New Student Meet and Greet Mountain Retreat from my gurney in Banner University Hospital. My abdominal pain had begun ten days prior. I attributed my symptoms to stress from moving and the nerves for starting school. The night before the retreat, I went to the hospital to investigate my pain before I would be spending the next few days in the middle-of-nowhere northern Arizona. My first test in the Emergency Room was an abdominal ultrasound. The tech pressed painfully hard and proceeded to tell me, “You will definitely be needing a CT scan”. As I lay in my room awaiting the next test, I started making my packing list for the upcoming retreat, still certain that I would be attending. After a long night of testing and waiting, I received the news that I had an extremely inflamed appendix and would be heading into surgery ASAP. My first response was, “You have to be kidding me.”
The next few hours included a consultation with one of the residents (who was a UA COM-Phoenix alum!) in which he patiently explained what would happen in surgery and drew me a diagram since I had yet to learn anatomy. Next the surgeon came to talk with me after who knows how many cases he had already performed, but he spoke to me with as much patience as if I were the first case of his 30-hour shift. Within seconds of receiving anesthesia, I was transported to oblivion while my appendix was painstakingly removed in a two-hour surgery.
My post-surgery memories are fairly foggy, but I remember being in the worst pain of my life and unable to even sit up in bed, let alone start medical school. Over the next few days, the residents and nurses always greeted me with a smile and a joke about my less-than-ideal timing for a tour of the hospital. Through my time in the hospital, I experienced the one-size-fits-none hospital pants, the 3am blood draws, the rejuvenating power of a shower, and the small victories like being able to sit up in bed without help. I was discharged from the hospital on Saturday morning, which gave me two days to rest at home before classes began on Monday.
My first few weeks at school were really tough, as I was still in significant pain and completely drained. It was challenging to arrive at school feeling like everyone already knew each other well from the retreat, and I was showing up late to the party with no energy in my tank to try to make a good first impression. I was still struggling to stand up straight because my abdomen was so sore, and buttoning my pants was not even an option. Despite my physical distress and my emotional exhaustion, I was so happy to be part of the UA community and was in disbelief at the amazing outpouring of support I received from the faculty and my new classmates. I even won the “Cheerleader” award at the Bowling Tournament, and this felt like my official induction into the Class of 2022, lovingly named the “Most Supportive Class.” Most importantly, those first few weeks of school were the start of a journey in learning about my own resilience to rise up and rally my best self in the face of challenges.
After only a few short weeks of school, we had our White Coat Ceremony. Walking across the stage to don this sacred symbol of medicine was a humbling experience. It felt surreal that I had recently been a patient myself, and now I was receiving the stethoscope I would use to care for my own future patients. Being a part of the team to write our class oath, and subsequently reciting the oath with my peers brought tears to my eyes as we all proclaimed our shared values and commitment to serving others through the practice of medicine.
As my body slowly but surely healed, I expected to start getting into a comfortable routine and was taken aback by how challenging school still felt for me. Leading up to the start of classes, I had envisioned a competent, carefree Aly conquering medical school. The reality was significantly less glamorous and involved a whole lot of imposter syndrome. I was overwhelmed by the exceptional smarts of my peers and continually wondered if the admissions committee had given me an acceptance call by mistake. I often felt that I was drowning in the stereotypical “firehouse” of medical school knowledge. However, time passed as time does, and I steadily began to find my own rhythm and embrace the challenge. Most importantly, my peers grew to become my friends, and I discovered that we were all feeling challenged in our own ways. Learning to be vulnerable about my own struggles opened the door for authentic relationships and the start of the supportive friendships that carried me through the tough moments. While imposter syndrome is still real for me, I have begun to appreciate my own strengths and give myself grace in this learning process.
The overwhelming newness of the start of school eventually faded into a continual cycle of anatomy, block, doctoring, repeat. Shadowing through Capstones experiences and CCE gave me glimpses into my future beyond the books and motivated me to continue studying hard so I will have the knowledge and skills needed to take care of real patients. Amidst the busy-ness of classwork and infinite studying, my days were sparkled with special moments that brought a smile to my face and reminded me to not take myself too seriously. I loved taking field trips to the fifth floor to scope out the candy scene and always received a warm welcome since I was a frequent visitor. I enjoyed climbing the stairs between classes to get my blood flowing and reach my step count for the day. I liked taking study breaks in the library to socialize with my classmates. I had a blast volunteering with Saturday Scrubs to teach and inspire high school students about STEM. I looked forward to “Bach Squad” on Monday nights, during which my friends and I let our brains take a break while we eagerly awaited to know if the bachelor Colton would find true love. I cherished trips to Nami for some vegan ice cream and socializing at the end of a tough week or to celebrate a success. Looking back on the year, I have a beautiful collection of memories such as these that brightened my days and helped me maintain my sense of well-being.
Fast forward to summer, and it is surreal that I am done with my first year of medical school. As I think ahead to assisting at the Class of 2023’s new student retreat, I am reminded of how I spent my own new student retreat in the Banner University Hospital. While I would not recommend appendicitis, nor do I want to relive that time of my life, I am thankful for the lessons I learned through the experience. One realization is that each patient has their own story. For me, I was scared to be in the hospital, sad to be missing out on the chance to meet all of my classmates for the first time, and nervous about starting medical school four days post-op. When my medical team took the time to talk to me about these aspects of my life, it made me feel like a human again. I had such positive interactions with all of my doctors in the hospital, and they modeled the personable yet knowledgeable kind of doctor I strive to become. Those experiences have stayed with me throughout my first year and have been a continual motivator for me to endeavor to become the best doctor I can be. I don’t plan on being a patient again anytime soon, but these memories will continue to inspire me on this medical journey.
Whose Behind This Story?
Alyson Tukan is student in the Class of 2022 at the University of Arizona College of Medicine – Phoenix. She completed her undergraduate education at Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas with a double major in Neuroscience and Spanish. At UA COM-P, Alyson serves as the Medical Student Government secretary and is a member of the Student Ambassadors and the Certificate of Distinction in Service and Community Health. She is passionate about volunteering, martial arts, yoga, running, hiking, and knitting.